Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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