I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
