She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
