It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
