margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i think i just lost a toe
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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