Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
