I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
