The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
