yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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