Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
