She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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