So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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