The maid of honor just puked.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
