but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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