"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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