My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
