Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
