i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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