We're facebook friends in real life
You just made me feel so damn special
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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