a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
