Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How's work?
Spinning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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