i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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