hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
