Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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