Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
