I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
