Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
