did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
