I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
