Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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