Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize