Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
