I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
