He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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