omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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