last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize