I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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