Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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