I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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