he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
