non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize