I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
