Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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