Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
