Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
