yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching her eat just hurts me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
