i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
someone owes me an orgasm
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
