My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
