Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
