i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
