when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
