Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
