Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
