i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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