he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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