This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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