You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
