You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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