I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
