I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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