my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
