I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
