watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
