You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
