is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
