I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
