yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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