The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize