This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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