1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
