that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
