Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
