How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
