Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
