Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just found a bag of teeth...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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