I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
