I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So much Jack, so little girl.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
