I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
ttyl tear gas
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
